Thankful against all odds

Its 4:30 am. The baby screams. I roll out of bed. Stumbling to my son's crib, I'm met with an irate, but cute seven week old boy.. Smiling.

And dropping a major deuce.

It's officially morning.

I can't help but smile, and laugh. While this scenario horrifies most non parents, and disgusts most parents, I can't help but be thankful.

Come again?

That's right. I'm thankful. And not many people are too graciously thankful at 4:30 am. In fact, any other method of 4:30 am wake up and I'm not too thankful myself. But this is different.

At 19, and newly married, I was told I would likely never have children. That's a pretty devastating statement to have to pass along to an Italian, and Catholic husband who would surely want kids eventually. They're notorious for family. So I didn't say a peep.

Begin life with endometriosis. Suffer, and pretend nothing's wrong. Nobody understands pain they can't see anyways. Not worth explaining to my less than understanding husband at the time. I'd just plead ignorance and worry when the topic of children came up. It's not like I wanted kids anyways, right? That's the ticket.

Fast forward only a short time to August of 2000. I find out I'm pregnant. What? Come again?

Against all physical odds, and birth control, somehow I conceived a child. It was perplexing but despite never wanting children, I was suddenly excited about the prospect of being a mother. My oldest son, was born in 2001. What a welcomed fluke!

Fluke it was not. My daughter was born in 2003. My doctor explained that my pregnancy early on in my diagnosis of endometriosis, probably helped combat a lot of the problems associated with endo. And also helped enable me to have my daughter.

Two. Two beautiful and perfect children from an imperfect mother. Amazing. But, more than enough, and time to call it quits in the baby making department due to marital strife, and soon thereafter divorce. My child birthing years were now OFFICIALLY over by only 26

Over the years since, the endometriosis got worse again. IUDs helped now and again. But generally speaking, things went from bad to worse. Surgeries to remove unnecessary build up. Cysts rupturing and the injury triggering endo on ovaries. Fantastic. More and more pain and problems the longer time went on. Oh well. I've got this. I'm a tough cookie.

I started dating my now fiancé a couple years back. I, of course, was relieved to know he didn't want children since I knew it was a non option at this point in the game. But I wasn't going to express why that was a relief. Single woman with two kids. That's enough baggage for many men. Informing him I had not only fibromyalgia, but also endometriosis, two diseases that mean nothing but pain, on the daily? We'll leave that out.

Over the course of events, things got worse. Worse and worse. I was facing a hysterectomy due to pain and excess uncontrollable tissue. Many days I couldn't get out of bed. My fiancé pampered me, but it was getting old. Just rip it all out. Please.

Well, as that eventuality approached I realized something. Even if you aren't planning on children, the idea of having your reproductive organs taken from you leaves you feeling broken. Flawed. Ruined. Like a failure. More over, I actually did want a baby again and had spent years in denial. Crap.

It was time to talk since I realized I did want another kid. Now that I was older and wiser. Not so rushed to get the kids grown and independent. Crap. Now I have to explain everything!

And I did. And I cried like a loon. Explained why it all scared me. Why it upset me. And what was wrong with me. What the honest prognosis of anything was. Truthfully, with his anti child stance, I really just wanted to vent, so he knew why a hysterectomy at my age was so undesired an outcome given my latest revelation.

Then came the most unexpected response. "Then before you jump to any conclusions about having everything ripped out, why don't we just try to have a baby."

..... What? Come again? "My boyfriend has lost his mind!" was my first thought. He wants to give me a baby, despite his general stance on kids? What?

In short? Yup.

Against all odds once again, I successfully conceived. He was born 7 weeks ago. Eight pounds and two ounces of smooshy faced concentrated adorable. (Now 12 lbs of chunky monkey awesome) He is my world. And I am thankful.

I'm thankful my boyfriend, now fiancé, had a lapse in his usually sound judgement. I'm thankful my body allowed it. I'm thankful for every smile, scream, gurgle, and poopy diaper.. Why? Because this shouldn't have happened. I was told it couldn't happen. And it did. So I'm thankful.

However? It all came at a price.. I had an emergency c-section. Nobody bothered to tell me how painful that healing would be just from the endo side. And nobody told me it would likely make the endo worse from being surgically opened. Nobody told me endo would likely cause my uterus to adhere to my bladder when healing. Nobody told me that would likely cause pain in urination for the rest of my life.

But I'm still thankful.

However, seriously they need to find a way to keep women from suffering this. It's ludicrous how much of our lives are altered or lost as a result of the condition. It's insane that women aren't informed of how it can further affect them. And it's completely ridiculous that the rest of the time they just rob women of hope.

You CAN have children sometimes. Some surgeries DO help. SOME make things worse. That's life with endometriosis. It's all one big crap shoot.

Vegas odds. Without the comp'd drinks. (Wouldn't that be nice?!)

But to anyone reading: Don't give up. It's a condition they clearly don't understand, or I wouldn't have my kids. And don't be scared. I promise even at its worst, when you fight through for what you want? Sometimes you really do get it. And even when it comes at a large painful price? You will still be thankful.

Even for poop at 4:30 am.